The Hill Kicked My Ass Again Today

(I so adore and respect this younger version of myself! What all she/me/we/I have survived and the ways we’ve grown are incredible.)

(2/25/19) I’m back home up on the hill and it’s not too bad. Thankfully, only the weather is chilly at this point.

I’ve walked the 5+ acre property the past 3 days with the soon to be former whatever (I guess housemate is the best label at the moment), his 2 dogs and the cat he got me but she is so much a daddy’s kitty.

Yes, Kiki walks with us.

Those moments with all of us outside, walking in the stunning foothills of the Sierra – That was the dream. The venture we set out on 3 years ago.

I know these moments are fleeting and I grasp them like a last meal without the hope and promise for the future that I once did. Letting go of the venture dream was a lot harder than letting go of the estranged lover/housemate whatever.

With early spring budding out of the remaining oak trees and wildflowers dotting the green landscape it is tempting to want to cling onto the dream – one more time. Again.

But I know better.

The Honeymoon phase will end and there I will be with my depression and anxiety and now heart failure and tumor. No, it is time to move on to new Groovy Epic Adventures.

The slope has kicked my butt again today and I realize how out of shape I am.

Weak.

However, I am very strong in my determination for new chapters and dreams. Nothing is more liberating than a couple truly awful diagnosis to perk up the desire to truly live some more.

Yesterday I put my exit timeline on 3×5 cards on the wall of my bedroom – eleven weeks (pending how things go with my brain). That’s it. I’ve got it organized by rooms to sort and sell or thrift or trash.

Also within the same timeline I will get these posts uploaded onto the website – although I might end up having to get some tech help.

I am thankful for days like today with the family out together – and they also leave me a bit wistful. I’ll keep the digital photos and the warm joy as a memory. These are groovy times too and not to be ignored or squandered.

And Yes. There are more Groovy times.

Tonight I hung up my California map and USA map on my bedroom walls. A vision board isn’t big enough – lol. Thank goodness for painters tape so I can take them down when I leave. I have other goals and desire on the wall too.

There are so many more groovy possibilities out there waiting for me.

I keep fanaticizing about my ginormous crazy ass dream – I dream of living in a giant geo dome greenhouse filled with tropical trees and food and plants, especially orchids and an aquaponic pond…  someday.

First there are several states I’ve not traveled to that I want to see and others I want to revisit. There are some geo dome greenhouse places I want to check out, Cob structures too. There are historical gardens, organic homesteads, chop and drop gardens, real life tiny home dwellers to meet…

What else is possible?

I feel like a curious child about to go on an adventure with only a vague idea of what’s going on.

I like this feeling.

Groovy Happy Trails!

Love, Carol

Thank you for reading this older post – I hesitated including these and I flipped and flopped and overthought and then decided it would be worth including these as they may be useful to someone else on their own journey.

They not so elegantly document the messiness – and therein lies the beauty and purpose.

If you’d like to work with a life coach who’s walked some dark paths and also played with rainbows and fireflies please feel free to contact me here for availability and pricing.