Positivity and Kindness
Saw this this morning on, you guessed it, Sweatpants & Coffee FB page
A groovy peep had replied, “Exactly! Being positive and being kind aren’t the same thing. In fact persistent positivity in the face of someone’s suffering while well intentioned can feel unkind.”
She’d beaten me with the perfect comment. She musta gotten to her 3rd cuppa before I did. But anyhoo – Truth! Kudos!
And it got me thinking…
I’ve decided to be genuine here over in Groovy Happy You land with myself and with you all, my Flamboyance of peeps. After the years of strife and anxiety, depression, and SI, I feel it’s crucial to my healing that I recognize and respect my emotions. All of them! I know precisely what happens when I deny my true feelings at all costs in the (hello! – toxic!) process. I can easily become a casualty.
Kindness on the other hand is simple and not so messy. Mostly.
As a directional aim it works well. I’m not always on mark with kindness but I can usually muster enough energy to be kind. And after decades of feeling like a phony and not good enough, “kind enough” feels pretty groovy.
“What is the kindest option?”
Let’s look at the definition for “Kindness”: “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”
Yay! I can check all those boxes.
I’ve also seen it fleshed out more to include, “A kind person considers the feelings of others, tries to help them and avoids actions that do harm. Affection, empathy and giving to others are qualities of a kind person. Kindness is also considered a virtue”.
Ack!!! My neat little checked boxes just fell into a mess at the bottom of the page.
I’m quite adept at being able to put myself into the shoes of others (razor sharp skillset) but contrary to the notion that “kindness doesn’t cost a thing”, it does have a price, an energetic exchange. Sometimes it is just too hard to muster. I may not have the energy in my mind and/or body. Which stresses me out (choking on a guilt sandwich) because I am a people pleaser.
Sometimes there is the same level of toxicity involved as “positivity” – when kindness is not genuine.
Mommy dearest used the expression “kill them with kindness” frequently. I’m sniper competent. And I’ve honed people pleasing at the cost of myself to the point of near extinction…
But is that genuine kindness?
Tuning into the genuine groovy vibration of kindness, it’s easy to follow the feels and occasionally, being true to the purest kindness vibe might look like being true to – oneself.
Really!
If you’re stuck detangling genuine from toxic vibes, (goodness knows it hitches me up sometimes!) take a couple of full-on deep belly breaths and then think about a time that someone did a kind act for you and how that made you feel. Got an imprint on that vibration? Next think of an act where there was toxicity. Maybe the “kindness” felt obligatory or there was need to reciprocate or there were “strings” attached. That’s a whole other vibe, right? Finally think about a time when you were full of love and kindness and generosity and it was received exactly as you intended. Feel it?
Whew! That’s the groovy vibe feeling to be, do and receive!
Ask in your heart, what is the kindest option for this moment? And then follow that groovy vibe, even when (and especially then) that leads to you!
(Genuine) Kindness is a groovy action because it is a win-win. The giver and receiver both get those juicy vibes of lower stress, physical and mental warm fuzzies, and the natural high from the happy hormones; dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.
Yes please!
I’ll leave you with the words of the Dalai Lama,
“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness”.
And I say – practice the shit out of that kindness religion!
3 Takeaways:
- Self kindness is the purest from of self care and self love
- It’s easier to fill from a full cup – keep yours in the flow of kindness and you’re well of generosity to flow to others will remain sustainable
- Trust and honor the vibes. Vibes are the representation of energy. Vibes will tell it like it is. (This may require some healing and that’s ok – we’ve all experienced some toxic lies which dicks with our trust)
BONUS: Practice! Practice! Practice! Religion is a practice. Kindness is a practice. Trust in oneself is a practice. Just remember that aim for perfection has a side dish of toxicity. Do your best and that’s good enough.
BONUS BONUS: Being in integrity is meshed with kindness (as a spiritual path) and both are you. And YOU are groovy!
Follow the groovy vibes!
